11.24.2004
as you have no doubt been alerted to by now [because you won't shut up about it - ed.], i was robbed last month when i comically fell asleep in a queens-bound subway at four o'clock in the morning whilst wearing a red sox hat. for one glorious train ride from queens to brooklyn, i was one NO FAT CHICKS t-shirt away from being the dumbest person alive. to be fair: it wasn't as dumb as the time i opened up my tanning salon in East St. Louis, and not quite as dumb as getting my "Max Headroom... Catch the Wave!" tattoo, but it ranks right up there.
what McGruff never told us, though, is that there's a plus side to getting robbed... namely, new phones (minus all my contacts, but still). when i went to pick up the afore-mentioned phone, however, i was told by my friendly non-english-speaking Sprint representative that i didn't have insurance "versus" loss, so it looked as though i would have to pay through the nose for a replacement. after making a mental note to look up the origins of the phrase "pay through the nose" and, subsequently, deciding i'd rather not know, i started to look for ways to cheat the system. through a stroke of good fortune (origin: also unknown), my friendly nonresident Sprint representative apparently hated everything her company ever stood for, and was soon hell-bent upon scoring me a free phone.
i won't get into the specifics of her plan mostly because her limited language skills made it sound as though the plan involved "baking services" and teleportation, but it was a doozy.
thirty minutes later i was walking out of the store with a shiny new camera phone and specific instructions to call Sprint service within 24 hours and, for some reason, cancel my phone service, then call right back and tell them that my phone wasn't working. i did as i was told, but just to be safe i made the call from a local bakery service. miracle of miracles, the dim bulb on the other end of the line was as confused by my request as i was, but hated his employers enough to give me my old number back anyway and thank me for choosing such an exceptionally inept cellular carrier. had science invented a way to transmit free lollipops over phone lines by now, i'd have been sucking one.
as per the Standard Operating Procedure handbook that accompanied the phone, i dutifully ignored all of the important organizational features and made every effort to master the finer nuances of sophisticated photojournalism. first piece de resistance: Stormtrooper avec Pretzel.
while i realize that the pretzel he bought is not actually visible in either photo, i believe that the concept of twisted dough resonates throughout.
stay tuned for next week's posting of my latest work, tentatively entitled Petite Chien, un Wookie, et le Taxi.
nathan filibustered at 1:14:00 PM
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as you have no doubt been alerted to by now [because you won't shut up about it - ed.], i was robbed last month when i comically fell asleep in a queens-bound subway at four o'clock in the morning whilst wearing a red sox hat. for one glorious train ride from queens to brooklyn, i was one NO FAT CHICKS t-shirt away from being the dumbest person alive. to be fair: it wasn't as dumb as the time i opened up my tanning salon in East St. Louis, and not quite as dumb as getting my "Max Headroom... Catch the Wave!" tattoo, but it ranks right up there.
what McGruff never told us, though, is that there's a plus side to getting robbed... namely, new phones (minus all my contacts, but still). when i went to pick up the afore-mentioned phone, however, i was told by my friendly non-english-speaking Sprint representative that i didn't have insurance "versus" loss, so it looked as though i would have to pay through the nose for a replacement. after making a mental note to look up the origins of the phrase "pay through the nose" and, subsequently, deciding i'd rather not know, i started to look for ways to cheat the system. through a stroke of good fortune (origin: also unknown), my friendly nonresident Sprint representative apparently hated everything her company ever stood for, and was soon hell-bent upon scoring me a free phone.
i won't get into the specifics of her plan mostly because her limited language skills made it sound as though the plan involved "baking services" and teleportation, but it was a doozy.
thirty minutes later i was walking out of the store with a shiny new camera phone and specific instructions to call Sprint service within 24 hours and, for some reason, cancel my phone service, then call right back and tell them that my phone wasn't working. i did as i was told, but just to be safe i made the call from a local bakery service. miracle of miracles, the dim bulb on the other end of the line was as confused by my request as i was, but hated his employers enough to give me my old number back anyway and thank me for choosing such an exceptionally inept cellular carrier. had science invented a way to transmit free lollipops over phone lines by now, i'd have been sucking one.
as per the Standard Operating Procedure handbook that accompanied the phone, i dutifully ignored all of the important organizational features and made every effort to master the finer nuances of sophisticated photojournalism. first piece de resistance: Stormtrooper avec Pretzel.
while i realize that the pretzel he bought is not actually visible in either photo, i believe that the concept of twisted dough resonates throughout.
stay tuned for next week's posting of my latest work, tentatively entitled Petite Chien, un Wookie, et le Taxi.
nathan filibustered at 1:14:00 PM
at the podium.
name: ..nathan..
shoes: thin, uncomfortable
sleeping in: queens (the city, not Latifah)
mirror: :rorrim
throws: righty
current crush: young britt eckland
lunch: i'm into brunch now
cohorts.
=audio science=
=LL Robot=
=Hasser Vision=
=Seanbaby=
archives.
11.04 12.04 01.05 02.05 03.05 04.05 05.05 06.05 07.05 08.05 09.05 10.05 11.05 12.05 01.06 06.06 01.07
talk to me Goose.